| Love is Everlasting, Your Appliances Are Not | The Hamilton Spectator - April 3, 2002 | |
For our marriage, this twenty year marker is just one of many waypoints, but for our appliances it spells the beginning of the end. No one warned us about this phase in our domestic lives. While many offered anniversary congratulations, there were no cautionary whispers, no words to the wise; not one single hint of what awaited us. It took us by surprise. One by one those stalwart machines, which for years have cooled, heated, washed, and otherwise helped run our home, began dropping like flies.
The washing machine was the first to give up the ghost, bequeathing me a soggy lump of half-rinsed laundry and the arm-snapping job of wringing out sodden towels by hand. Standing there, my socks rapidly soaking up the puddle of soapy water, I held out no hope of resuscitating the old machine. From newlyweds ‘til now, twenty years and three kids later, that washer had served us well. It had agitated, spun and rinsed well beyond its expected lifespan and it would not live to pre-soak again.
I may very well be tempting fate here, but I must point out that our dryer continues to defy the odds, steadfastly tumbling our clothes dry despite the demise of its mate. Realistically though, I know that each cycle could be it’s last.
Next to go was our freezer. Reaching in one morning expecting to retrieve a rock-solid frozen chicken, I got instead a handful of limp, room-temperature poultry. A growing puddle on the basement floor plus a ton of semi-thawed groceries was evidence enough that our aged icebox had reached its end. I pulled the plug, permanently.
After the freezer’s sudden demise, I began to wonder which of our other home appliances were closing in on their expiration dates. I turned to my computer (obsolete long before it’s worn out) to find out.
There was good news and bad news. Refrigerators, stoves, and furnaces all have a life expectancy of about 20 years, but since we’d replaced all those items when we moved into this house eight years ago, the good news was that we were safe - for now.
The bad news? Well, since they usually only last about ten years, our microwave, garbage disposal, dishwasher, sump pump, and automatic garage door opener are all fast approaching retirement age.
Apparently, not long after that cataclysmic mechanical meltdown has occurred, I should expect yet another flood when the hot water heater conks out, which is also right around the time that our central air unit will likely breath it’s last cool breathe.
Growing more alarmed by the minute, (home burglar alarm: 10 to 15 years) I skipped over the frightening statistics on big-ticket items like septic systems and roof shingles, and sought comfort from the fact that our copper piping ought to last as long as the house itself. Finally, something in our home that will grow old alongside hubby and me.
I guess the lesson here is that while love may go on ad infinitum, your washing machine will not. It would be wonderful if both true love and our appliances lasted ‘til death do us part, but realistically, all machines do eventually break down. About the best you can hope for is that they don’t all succumb at the same time, or at least not while you’re celebrating your wedding anniversary.