| Things We Don't Need to Know | The Toronto Star Wheels - 01/19/02 | |
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It’s been happening a lot lately. In fact it’s getting downright spooky. Whatever I write about for my Wheels columns happens to me in real life. For instance, last week I wrote an article about the importance of keeping track of one’s car keys, then promptly lost my own keys. While I muttered and searched, Daughter took great delight in needling me: “Mom, isn’t there an article about losing car keys sitting in your printer?”
“Very funny child, now help me find the damn keys”. Yesterday when I sent Oldest Son out to search the truck for a missing ball cap, another gravitating grocery item was discovered under the back seat. The hat’s still lost, but we now have an extra bottle of Clamato. Shortly after bemoaning the fact that my Expedition lacks purse storage room, I was informed that a sibling’s brand new minivan came equipped with…you guessed it, a place specifically designed to stow a purse. I wrote about car clutter and instantly it seemed my truck was filled with an inordinate amount of debris. Granted, since I write about familiar family car escapades this type of stuff is bound to happen. But it’s a rather strange coincidence that these things pop up when they do, often within moments of me typing the words. So, given all that, surely you can understand my reluctance to publicly discuss a new survey which found, among other things, that over 80 per cent of British people admit to having sex in their car. While I will quite happily share many family automotive tales, there are some aspects of my life that will simply never make it into print. Incidentally, when I refer to my truck as a “family vehicle” it’s because I’m always carting around members of my family, not because my family was conceived in it. Which apparently is more than can be said for a lot of other car owners out there. According to this survey, when it comes to in-car promiscuity Spaniards come out on top, so to speak, doing it as often as possible in their vehicles. Other nuggets of nubile information include the fact that Swedish car owners prefer risqué locations, while ho ho ho; one in four Britons has had sex in the car park after the office Christmas party. We’ll just skip right over the part dealing with the percentage of men who admit to having injured themselves during such activities and move right along to the favoured car list. Female owners of new VW Beetles and Minis were considered “the most fun” and, no big surprise here, male drivers of Porsche Boxters and Audi TTs were most favored Please note that nowhere in this survey do they list minivans, SUVs, or any of the other G-rated vehicles that are usually categorized as family transportation. Perhaps that’s because it’s difficult to think of one’s vehicle as a licentious location when the seats are strewn with leaking baby bottles, bits of Lego, half-eaten Gummi Bears, spare diapers and clumps of dog hair. Or, maybe it’s because we parents are rarely alone together in our own vehicles. The only thing in our back seats is a gaggle of kids and pile of stinky hockey equipment. If the car windows are all steamed up it’s only because the kids have puffed their hot breath on the glass so they can make finger drawings. As for those racy Swedes, well I can’t help but wonder which location on a parent’s daily route they would consider most risqué. Then again, perhaps there are no statistics on family automobile assignations because unlike those indiscreet youthful braggarts, we mature grown-ups don’t feel the need to boast about our amorous adventures. We’re not the type to plaster “When the van’s a-rockin’, don’t come a knockin’” bumper stickers on our vehicles. Does it happen? Who knows? There are after all, some details we family car owners just don’t talk about. |